Top Ten Social Tips for People with Autism

Today I’m sharing something from my book, The Ringmaster’s Tale, which is full of funny, sad, poignant and thought-provoking stories as well as lots of great advice about finding the positives when you’re living with autism.
This is a light-hearted look at some of the social situations autistic people can struggle with. I’m sure lots of people on the spectrum will recognise them – we certainly do them all in our house!

Top Ten Social Tips for People with Autism

1. Never, under any circumstances barring an absolute emergency, speak to anyone on the phone.
2. Always use the ‘Self Service’ check out at the supermarket to avoid unnecessary human interaction.
3. If a person has repeated themselves three times and you still haven’t understood them, just nod, give a small laugh and hope to God it wasn’t a question.
4. Make sure everyone understands that even though you won’t actually attend them, you’d still appreciate being invited to parties.
5. Resign yourself to the fact that if something amusing occurs to you while you’re alone in a public place, you will have no option but to laugh hysterically for no discernible reason, making you appear to be clinically insane.
6. Should the doorbell ring unexpectedly when you’re alone in the house, remain perfectly quiet and still until whoever’s there has left.
7. Spend at least 99% of your time planning witty conversations in your head and the remaining 1% forgetting everything you’d planned to say when the chance to use them arises.
8. When someone you know approaches you in the street, pretend you’re sending a text and haven’t noticed them, then walk quickly in the opposite direction.
9. Be continually prepared to have your day ruined by a random passing thought about something embarrassing you said or did several years ago.
10. Should you ever find yourself at a social gathering, always do your best to locate an animal of some sort and spend the evening petting it to avoid making small talk with other humans.